That 'oh dear, you're in love with me' moment you have when you realize someone likes you that you thought was just a friend. I've been there. Many times. And I'm terrible at handling it. I've been 'not liked' by the person I liked... alot. So when someone likes me- I really want to like them too. But, sometimes our souls just don't collide. Maybe mine intrigues them, but theirs doesn't enlighten me. And I'm terrible at dealing with such a situation. Because I don't want to break a heart. Ever. I've had mine broken and it sucks. So I don't want to be the one who caused the hurt. And I'll lie. I'll tell them someday or say I kind of like them too or sometimes (forgive me) kiss them just to give them the hope that romance still exists. I don't want to be the crasher of worlds. And I'll avoid being such a thing at all costs. And when it gets too far and they're falling in love and I know it's my fault- I'll leave. Abruptly and without warning. No answers. No explinations. No words left on a note in the bedroom. Just pure goneness. And that's how I break a heart. By staying in a place I didn't want to be. And leaving at the moment when they wanted me to be there the most. I'm a terrible human being. And I wreak havic on my own heart as much as the person I abandon. Guilt is the worst feeling in the world. And not knowing how else to handle things... makes it that much worse of an emotion to deal with.
