It's too early to know if I'm pregnant or not. My last period began on December 15th. I would have ovulated between the 25th and 31st (approximately). I was on the pill, but I'd started the pill a bit late, because I wasn't intending to have sex or see Ty the month of December. I started the pill December 22nd. The first time Ty and I... could have gotten me pregnant would have been around 1:00 AM on December 27th, and every day, multiple times a day, following that up to the morning of January 2nd. I started feeling symptoms (having to pee frequently, being sensitive to smells, and having lower abdominal cramps) on the 4th of January. Today, the 6th of January, I also have symptoms. I haven't had to pee nearly as often, but I've had awful cramps all day. My period shouldn't come until around the 12th, so this is a week early to be having lower stomach cramps. They started out very mild, but they're progressively getting worse. I'm hoping it's a sign that my period is, in fact, coming soon?
To keep my mind busy, I made a set of Alaskan runes today, and read them- for fun. I was trying to keep my thoughts from wandering back to the pregnancy test waiting to be taken in my bathroom. The first reading read:
Brown Bear Rune: Representing motherhood and feminine energy.
Spruce Tree: Representing prosperity, something lasting forever.
Snowshoe Hare: Representing fertility, sexual relationships.
There are 24 runes total. Only two of those - brown bear and snowshoe hare represent any kind of motherly energy. Perhaps I'm just over-analyzing. Reading into things too deeply. But it's hard not to worry a little. I've been ridden with anxiety. I try to stay busy, delve into work and crafts and writing to keep my mind from the inevitable nagging that, perhaps, my body's signals and my runes readings actually mean something.
Don't get me wrong; I love, Ty. But we've had a long and very hard relationship ridden with fights, disagreements, break-ups, and make-up sex (which, ironically enough, might be how 'this' happened). If I could choose any man on the planet to carry their child- I'd choose Ty. He's intelligent, ambitious, and driven. His child would be a blessing to the world. I'm just not ready to move forward with that yet- I'm not sure if I'd ever be ready, to be honest. But if, in fact, there is a little one brewing in my belly, causing the cramps that I've felt all day, then there are going to be some major changes taking place in my life over the next few months. Changes I did not anticipate or prepare for. I'm not ready to think about them, or acknowledge them. For now I'm going to live in ignorant bliss that those changes won't need to happen. And I suppose we'll all know, for sure, sometime around the 16th of January- when my period will be late (if it is late) and a pregnancy test will be able to give me an answer.
To keep my mind busy, I made a set of Alaskan runes today, and read them- for fun. I was trying to keep my thoughts from wandering back to the pregnancy test waiting to be taken in my bathroom. The first reading read:
Brown Bear Rune: Representing motherhood and feminine energy.
Spruce Tree: Representing prosperity, something lasting forever.
Snowshoe Hare: Representing fertility, sexual relationships.
There are 24 runes total. Only two of those - brown bear and snowshoe hare represent any kind of motherly energy. Perhaps I'm just over-analyzing. Reading into things too deeply. But it's hard not to worry a little. I've been ridden with anxiety. I try to stay busy, delve into work and crafts and writing to keep my mind from the inevitable nagging that, perhaps, my body's signals and my runes readings actually mean something.
Don't get me wrong; I love, Ty. But we've had a long and very hard relationship ridden with fights, disagreements, break-ups, and make-up sex (which, ironically enough, might be how 'this' happened). If I could choose any man on the planet to carry their child- I'd choose Ty. He's intelligent, ambitious, and driven. His child would be a blessing to the world. I'm just not ready to move forward with that yet- I'm not sure if I'd ever be ready, to be honest. But if, in fact, there is a little one brewing in my belly, causing the cramps that I've felt all day, then there are going to be some major changes taking place in my life over the next few months. Changes I did not anticipate or prepare for. I'm not ready to think about them, or acknowledge them. For now I'm going to live in ignorant bliss that those changes won't need to happen. And I suppose we'll all know, for sure, sometime around the 16th of January- when my period will be late (if it is late) and a pregnancy test will be able to give me an answer.