I will never understand how people can let differentiating opinions effect so much of their lives. They are consumed with discontentment in the fact that others practice different religions, have different political views, or believe in different ways of life. But we all walk different roads. Those roads lead us through different experiences- so we develop different values and create opinions based on different things. Does that mean our opinions are wrong? Or our values shou...ld be changed? We each possess a different mind, and we've had different situations that inspire our mind's thoughts. To each individual person- what they believe is right. And that is beautiful. And we should be enlightened by others. And even if we disagree, we should realize that those disagreements come not from the other person being wrong- but from the fact that person walked a different path, and accumulated their opinions in a different way. No one is truly right. No one is truly wrong. We're all just different because we've lived different lives. And being able to realize that, gives us the ability to listen and understand and DISAGREE without hate- but instead with understanding.
Cloudy Company
The weather finally changed to clouds after a constant bout of sunshine. I know I'll tire of the clouds at some point and begin dreaming of sunny days again. It seems as though I can never just be happy with the weather the way it is. But today, I am very happy with the clouds. The refreshing shadow they cast across the landscape is giving all of us a break from the summertime heat. Not to mention the darkness they bestowed upon the morning allowed me to sleep in a bit later than usual.
Alaskan Aloe Vera
I've covered my windowsills in aloe vera plants. They breed so quickly it's practically impossible to keep up with them. I seem to be transplanting a couple dozen new baby plants every 3 to 4 months. I'd dearly love to find a market for them. A greenhouse in Alaska who would buy them would utterly make my day! But as for now I just store them up, occasionally give a few away as gifts, and sell one or two through small handmade and homegrown vendors. I am grateful to have so many on hand though. They've soothed many bugbites, helped fight ear-mites in the cats, soothed one of my ferret's skin issues, and helped me transplant all of my vegetables to my garden without much damage. The juices are healing for any being. It's amazing how one plants medicinal property can benefit so many other living beings. I have many favorite green-fellowed friends. But aloe vera are among some of my most fascinating plants.
Warm Warm Summer
The sun has shown quite bright lately, blessing the landscape with an almost constant warmth. Unfortunately the heat is taking a toll on everyone. The cabin walls love the sun and cause my home to become a sort of an oven. The cats and ferrets rest a majority of the day- and only play in the morning and evenings when the world cools down. The dogs are outside- where at least there is a breeze. But even they with their black coats draw in the heat of the light above them. I bring them to the river to play once or twice a day, dowse them with water as well, and offer them a constant supply of cool refreshing drink. But I am kind of hoping for a cloudy day here soon. Even though I love love LOVE the sunshine- the heat of this summer is wearing on all of us. And a cool-day break would be quite welcome right about now.
Green Leaves Thickly Grown
The trees are in full-bloom now. Their leaves are big and green. The forests are no long splotched with rays of sunlight, but fully shadowed by the overhead foliage. Unfortunately on still-wind days the mosquitos are too thick to allow adventure into the timbers around my home. But on the occasional day when the breeze is strong, I can hike deep into the thickly treed areas and enjoy the company of one of my favorite creatures- bark covered beings.
My Old Lady Cat
Magpie is my 'old lady cat'. She's aged in the most graceful of forms. Beautiful in her elder beauty. But there is no doubting the fact that the years have taken their toll. I was blessed to adopt her recently. She was an old lady when she came into my family. And I'm sad to say I'll never know what her youthful spirit was like. But in her old age she is beautiful in so many ways. She sleeps a majority of the time. She loves basking in the sun, and especially enjoys using laps as her bed. She will curl into any gentle soul who sits near her and make her self comfortable upon their legs. She enjoys looking at all of the plants that bless my windowsills, and occasionally nibbles on the edible leaves. She sleeps on my pillow each and every night. And spends much time grooming my bedtime braids. She's sweet and gentle. A bit grouchy at times- but after such a long life she's learned exactly how to get what she wants. She's my dear little old lady, and I feel so blessed to have her in my life- even if I didn't get to have her for the entirety of her life.
Alaskan Surprise Snail-Mail
With the help of social networking online, I've created a snail-mail surprise box. I filled it with all kinds of Alaskan trinkets, and acquired the names and addresses of over a dozen people around the state of Alaska. The box will travel to each home and the trinkets inside will be frolicked through. Each person can take up to 3 items and replace them with another 'gift' for the next person to trade. It will venture everywhere from Fairbanks to Anchorage to Kenai to King Salmon and beyond. I'm utterly thrilled about it's adventure (and a bit envious of all of the lovely things it will see- and all the joy it will bring). The original gifts I put inside include gold trinkets, fur crafts, mammoth ivory, lynx claws, children's knick-knacks, photographs, handmade crafts, tundra tea, and Fur Rondy buttons. The treasures to be traded I am yet to know. But how dearly excited I am to discover what other's take out, and throw inside.
Swallow Update
The swallow who fell into my cabin-wall paint is fluttering in and out of her house now-a-days. Her mate is dearly pleased with himself for guarding her as she healed up. And now she's perky and well-feathered. Their eggs are hatched and they are in and out of the hole all day long collecting insects. I'm so so relieved to see she is doing well. I feared she wouldn't make it, but her constant appearance around my home has made me dearly happy. She is healthy as can be and rearing her young as well as any other mother. I'm so so thrilled to see her misfortune did not bring devastation.
Visitng Foster Children
The longest day of the year and I was blessed enough to spend a majority of it outside. I washed clothes in a toboggan-style sled for a few hours, then hung them up to dry in the hot hot sun. I took the dogs down to the river to splash about for a few minutes. I let the cats accompany me on a small walk into my backyard alder trees. And then my foster children (now back home with their family) came by to visit and we spent the rest of the evening splashing in the river. It was a lovely time. I miss them dearly and it's so nice to have them still a part of my life. They often recall the fun times they experienced at my house. And they still have the yearning to come 'home' and it breaks my heart. But I know that our fun times will always be memories to them. And their birth mother, although needing a bit of direction, does have a good heart.
One Dip, Four Fish
I don't ever expect to catch fish while fishing. I think the other fisherman do. It's an attitude they leave the dock with. I'm just along for the ride. Not really expecting anything grand. But today I was pleasantly surprised. My catches were low compared to everyone else. I was beginning to doubt any excitement coming from my net- as theirs continued to pull in fish after fish. But suddenly I felt quite a jolt, an unexpected quickly-splashing jolt. My first assumption was that I had caught an infamous King salmon- which are very strong and very big. But when I pulled in my net I saw not one fish, but two- wait three, no four. Four fish in one dip of a net. It's unheard of in these parts. With a river nearly a mile wide- and my net being only 2 feet wide the chances of catching more than 3 fish in one dip is almost impossible. And yet there I was, struggling to pull in four wild salmon. It was the dear motivation I needed. When I was beginning to doubt my ability to catch, the river handed me four fish as reassurance.
Sitting On The Bow
I sit on the bow of the boat while fishing. I feel freer there. I'm not so trapped in the metal sides. I let my rain boots dangle over the edge and skim the surface of the river. I hold the dip net usually in my right hand, to the northward side of the boat. It's nice, peaceful. I'm not looking at the other fisherman. I'm sitting in my own spot, facing away from their company. My company is not the fellow fisherman, but the river itself. The waters. The sun. The soft and constant breeze that ripples through the waves. Those things are my company. My friends. My fishing companions. And they tend to bring me the best of luck. As my bow-seat tends to cause disapproving comments from the other fishermen. It's a technique not widely used. And yet, every day- I equally match their catches, sometimes exceeding them, and always prove their comments pointless.
Uncertainty of the Future
I have so many dreams for the future. I often find myself worrying of whether or not they will be so. It's very hard to contemplate dreams, to work for goals, when there is no guarantee of everything eventually falling into place. I have to commonly remind myself that if it's supposed to be so, it will be so. Fate has a way of taking care of all worries. That eases my mind a little. But the uncertainty of my dreams makes dreaming a troublesome task. For not only does it enlighten me to my hopes of what is to come- it brings the unfortunate reality that those hopes may never come at all.
Chores Are No Fun
I hate chores. I really cannot even begin to explain how sincerely I despise dirty dishes and unfolded laundry. The ever-so-time-consuming duties that everyone must do. Without running water the time-consuming part becomes even more true. Fill up the basins to wash the dishes. Heat up the water. Scrub and rinse and dry. Laundry is even more of a pain. Heating water, filling up the bucket, and then vigorously scrubbing and swishing and splashing. Rinsing is even more difficult as soap tends to forever linger. I'd eat from dirty dishes if the leftover fish residue wouldn't rot. And I'd wear dirty clothes if I never had a visitor to judge my stench. But fish residue does rot, and I do have visitors that I am too kind to to make bare my smell. So chores must be done. And, alas, I must be the one to do them.
Writing A Million Thoughts
I've been writing a lot lately. Mainly scribbling notes of little facts and ideas I want to hold onto for later. Things of animal care, gardening, and child adoption seem to be the most prominent subjects. Things I hold most dear to my heart, I suppose. I sometimes wonder if my mind works faster than others. If it thinks thoughts more continuously than others. I often feel as though my hands are too weak for the amount of things I wish them to write. They cramp and cringe out in pain, crying for a break- and yet I cannot stop. Eventually I have to part ways with my type-writer, pencil, or pen. My hand gives into so much agony that my body makes me stop for a moment. And yet my brain continues on. Spewing thoughts I wish I could write down fast enough. It never ends. It's a constant cycle of ideas that never ends. And the only way I can organize or remember it all- is to write it down.
Dipnetting Dangerous Winds
I attempted to dip net on the Yukon today. The waters began calm. The sun was glittering on the surface of the water. Fifteen fish were easily caught. But within a matter of a few half an hours, a large dark grey cloud appeared over the hills that lie on the south side of the river. Ominous in every way. The winds forewarned us of what was to come- but we ignored them. A common mistake of most fisherman. Greed for one more catch was upon us, and mother nature was ready to teach us when safety is more important than abundance. In a matter of minutes the winds churned up waves so high that the river's waters mimicked an ocean's. Our boat rocked and swayed and heaved battling the waves. The tiny prop pushed as hard as it could but the winds and the heaviness of our net made for a rough trip home. Through many bumps and harsh down-pours we finally made it back to the cabin. Soaking wet and worn out. Mother nature had certainly gotten her point across.
An Unused Library
Just found out my village has an old library FULL of books- but it's been boarded up and locked away for the last 10+ years because "No children wanted to read". My heart both fluttered and broke when I walked in. There were so many books covered in dust. I just wanted to take them and love them all. And yet I'm so so sad- how can all of these books be sitting here unread for so long? Surely there... are children who want to read them somewhere amidst this village. I want so terribly to be the librarian, but neither the Tribe nor City wants to pay electricity in order to 'legally open' the building. How can no one else see the importance of free access to literary art in the village? I feel like I'm the only one here who sees what an amazing opportunity this could be for the youth.
Dogs and Waves
I took the dogs for their first swim in the river today. Rascal appears to be part lab, but he is still quite skeptical of the river waves. He follows me in happily, but with doubt in his eyes. He doesn't trust the water, nor does he yet know he can swim. I take him in as deep as his feet still touch the ground, and let him cool off in the water. I'll splash him a bit in the hopes he realizes how refreshing it is on a hot day. But he's still water shy. And I'm patient. So we'll be working on that. Coho trotted in once, happily, to cool off. Then, being the stubborn woman she is, plotted her feet dead on the ground and wouldn't budge to come in again. I couldn't pull her in, nor could I taunt her in. She has no lab in her though, so I wasn't expecting anything more than a quick romp from her. Her malamute stubborn-ness never fails to humble me.
Learning To Cut Dry Fish
Spent the day cutting salmon to hang and dry. This was the first year I learned how to cut 'dry fish' a Yup'ik cultural tradition that involves cutting salmon and hanging it to dry. It seems like a complicated process and I feared I'd make a white fool of myself. But it was actually quite simple and I got the hang of it within my first few fish. Dry fish is among one of my favorite foods, and now that I'll be able to prepare it myself I am very happy. One is never too old or too young to acquire a new recipe. And my cookbook is forever adding pages.
The Pup's Landscape
I've stayed inside with rainy weather for too long now. So I headed out in the drizzle and decided it was time to redo the dogs tie-lines. They spend a majority of their time on tie lines. They can both climb and dig through any fence. So tie lines are the safest option in a village where animal control is animal shooting. The trees had overgrown their view of the house- and they both dearly like to see in the windows and front door. So I chopped a little 'window' in the alder for them to view from, and then moved their tie lines to an open area where they could also view the cabin. They're much happier now. Barking and demanding things- and knowing when I look out the window to tell them "No more treats- you've already had too many today!"
Cats and the Shrew
Toby caught a shrew today. Quite proud he was, trotting up our dirt road to the front door with the furry bit hanging from his jaws. He waited for me to open the door, then ran inside eager to show the other cats. At first they were less than enthralled- it was already dead and they are not interested in dead things. But after Toby playfully tossed it into the air a few times, Minnie Mag and Ozzy jumped in to play as well. And the night was spent with much jumping of cat feet as the shrew was thrown about. Granted, I'm not entirely fond of animal death. And my heart pitied the shrew. But I realize it's not fair to keep a hunting carnivore from hunting. So it's only natural they occasionally get to play with something once alive. And I am quite proud of the little darlings. Their tiger instincts have not completely evaded them.
Mangey, The Eldest
Mangey is my eldest ferret. I don't know her age, but I know she's quite old. When she first came into my family, she was completely bald on her rear end. The ferret rescue and told me this was due to cancer, and a surgery had been done to reverse the hair loss. It's been two months now and her hair is regrowing. She is mostly gray now, with a few brown streaks of her youth trying to still grow. Her back feet curl in which keep her from walking correctly. My heart thinks this is the outcome of being raised in a wire cage. The poor thing can barely balance. But she is oh so loving, sweet, and kind. She sleeps much of the time but enjoys and occasional exploratory trot throughout the house. She loves food- especially eggs and chicken. And she's quite keen on snuggling- as am I, which makes us quite a nice duo. I know she may not have much more than a year left in her, but I am so dearly happy she gets to spend the rest of her life with me. As fragile as she is, she's so sweet and full of life. Her old soul brings so much happiness to my young one.
Off and On Weather
The weather is playing tricks on me today. Downpours of rain rush in, and within five minutes the sun is showing through with the brightest of rays. I get my hopes up that the storms have seized, only to have the clouds roll in again. I've decided perhaps indoors is the place for me today. I'm not necessarily thrilled, but I must admit I do have the urge to write
Paint Covered Swallow
Today as I was painting the outside cabin walls, a group of swallows began to have a bickerment of the bird house on my porch. When all of the sudden a poor little dear female (the one I'm assuming had eggs in the nest) fell down from the air and straight into my paint. Scared for her well-being I quickly went over and tried to grab her. My hands covered in paint, I had to call out for my darling to help me. We quickly washed her. The paint was drying fast and it crusted on my hands so quickly that I feared it would enclose her feathers in the same hardness if we didn't scrub quickly. Unfortunately our spring water is oh so cold, and in washing her, we also sent her into a hypothermic state. Once she was entirely clean, I clasped her in my hands and concentrated every bit of my heat to her. We sat inside for a while. She shivered and occassionally looked up at me- debating whether or not I was a threat. After a few calm whispers though, she grasped her feet around my finger and rested down. She continued to shiver, but gained strength. I knew the stress of being inside, away from her eggs, and wet would ultimately fret her to death. So we brought her out to her house, and she slipped inside to dry up and rest with her babies. I haven't seen her yet, but I'm hoping she's okay. Rest is the best medicine- and my quite riverside home is one of the most convenient places for rest. So I'm assuming she'll be quite fine.
Painting The Cabin
Yet another sunny day. I've been painting the house. It is not my ideal work. The old board walls are rotting away and painting them is not an easy feat. With every flick of the paintbrush old wood falls to the ground. I can't seem to get every nook and cranny, and I certainly cannot make my cabin look any better. I'm not painting for physical appearance, but rather for functionality. My hopes are that the paint will preserve the wood. High hopes for such old walls, though. Keeping an old home in new shape is not easy. But letting it rot away in Alaska's harsh weather is not an option. So, paint I shall- until the bucket runs empty.
Fishing For Few Fish
The sun came out full fledged today. So I opted to spend my time on the water, in my boat, fishing salmon. Dip netting is not the most efficient way to catch fish on a river delta, but our laws are tight now-a-days are currently drift nets are restricted. So dip netting it is. The river was glass calm today and I was very happy to be out and about atop of the waters. The salmon were few though. And our first day of the season brought us only 3 fish. We gave two to friends around the village and kept one for dinner (and a snack for the dogs). It was a good way to spend the day, but didn't end with quite the catch I was hoping for. Perhaps we'll be able to fill our smokehouse in a few days, when the river is fuller of fins and scales than it is now.
Mosquitoes Coming
The mosquitos are hatching. Ugh, I hate to admit one creature I am not fond of is mosquitos. Although I admire their daring nature and determination- I cannot find them tolerable. My body is less than accustomed to bites and I have no will power when it comes to not scratching an itch. So, inevitably, my entire body swells up from their blood thirsty nips. I've tried every home remedy. Hot spoons, baking soda, toothpaste, aloe- nothing cures the bumps. It's one of my least-favorite parts of summer. And unfortunately, in Alaska, it's one of the most constant and ever-bugging aspects that come along with 24 hours of sun.
Plan To Befriend Seagulls
The seagulls have made their way back to the mighty Yukon River. They drift off South in the fall and come home to unfrozen waters in the spring. I love their company dearly- and hope, that now that I live along the river, I can befriend them. For now they're quite scared of humans, and me for that matter. But I hope to change that. I love their sweet calls and playful water antics. I know that my best bet of making peace with them is to love their young. I'll wait until the chicks hatch- naive to the ways of people, and begin feeding them. Food, inevitably, creates close relationships. So fish shall be thrown to the waters. And hopefully, my offerings will bring a return of their white feathered company when I walk the beaches.
Forever More Rain, Still Winds
The rain I mentioned in a prior post has now drug on and on. There's no end in sight. And although the droplets have been few today, the overcasting clouds leave the ever-dwelling doubt of rain returning. The winds have died down though, leaving the river calm. I prefer to look at it when it's not ravaged with waves. There is something so simply delightful about still glass waters.
Thoughts Of Adoption
Two years ago, when I first started the process to become a qualified foster parent through the state of Alaska- a child was pointed out to me (not on purpose, more as a passerby) from Washington. I have thought about that child and checked their availability for two years straight. They connected to me. I just cared about them since the instant I first saw them- I couldn't explain why. I've spent many nights praying they'd find a family. Two years of trial placements and heartache have gone by. And my praying has yet to bring an answer. I'm beginning to wonder, if I myself am the answer. Every logical explanation says 'no'. According to my age- I'm really only 'available' to adopt younger children- no one over 8 would be deemed appropriate. And although I always knew I wanted to adopt older children, I never intended to at 22. But, aside from all the reasons my mind has told me 'no', my heart keeps pleading 'try'. So I think this girl is going to start the process to get a WA-quality home study. Not sure if this is the way fate wanted me to go. But I guess I'll let the social workers and adoption agencies decide that.
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