Late Night Talkers

You know what I really enjoy about late nights? People tell stories late at night. People don't do that during the day. You never hear people delve into philosophical spews at 10:00 AM. But at midnight, every single person becomes a deep thinker. It's pretty remarkable. I think I'm just going to start talking to people late at night. They're way more entertaining in the dark, than they are at midday.

Minnie Mag Speaks

Minnie Mag is my conversationalist cat. It took her a while to like me. I'm not sure what her past owners were like, but she wasn't fond of women when she first came into my home. I tried very hard to change her opinion, and eventually she decided I was a dandy person to be around. Since then, she's spent her days keeping me vocally entertained. I'll often mutter to myself throughout the day. I talk aloud even if no other humans are nearby. Minnie doesn't mind though, she enjoys conversations actually. And no matter what room in the house she is in, she will meow happily back to me when I talk. And if I ever happen to mention her name amidst a conversation she happily comes out to greet me as if to say "I heard you say my name, and thought I would bless you with my presence. Seeing as though I am only so wonderful you must probably be speaking very good about me, anyhow." And she truly is wonderful. How nice it is to have a verbal reply when you speak- even if a human isn't the thing replying to you.

Never Wish On The Weather

I jinxed it. The weather, I mean. I've jinxed the weather. Everyone says "Don't make wishes on the weather." And they do so for a good reason. If you wish for the weather to be a certain way- it will be that way, and it will stay that way until you are so sick of it you want it to change again. Today I was outside and the mosquitos were bugging me and all I wanted was a bit of wind to blow them away from my face. So I said "I wish there was wind." And in came the wind. And just as with all winds- it brought clouds. And just as with all clouds- they brought rain. So I wished for the wind and it came. But as did the clouds and rain, which forced me from my time outside, back indoors. Never wish on the weather...

Salmonberry Lesson

Berry picking, berry picking, berry picking- it's all I've rambled about lately. But I have one more tidbit to add. Something I don't think I've written about before. It's the lesson that salmonberries teach me. Salmonberries are small orangish, pinkish, reddish berries that dot the tundra. Each one is a different color and a different shape. There is no such thing as a 'perfect salmonberry'. The best ones are often the ugliest. They have juicy over-ripened look and a faded color to them. The plump redder ones that are perfectly proportioned are often very tasteless. So it leads you to learn that often the most imperfect of berries taste the best, and you begin to look over the prettier ones because you know it's what's on the inside that counts. I always eat the ugly berries. They're the most delicious. The prettier ones are left alone- as they don't taste nearly as good. Just as with the simple lesson taught to humans on the idea of 'beauty', what's on the outside truly doesn't matter. It's the taste (or the personality) that makes all the difference.

Berry Drought

We had a very dry winter and a very dry summer, which is leading to a very dry fall. After a full day of picking berries yesterday, I'm beginning to realize that there are not nearly as many as there usually are. Our berries require moist wet swampy tundra to grow. This year, our tundra is dry- barely surviving. And the berry plants are growing, but not producing the buds needed to produce fruit. So we walk over many patches that we've picked from each year, and barely accumulate one or two berries. It's a shame, but it's mother nature. She obviously knows the world goes in cycles. She won't kill our berries- but she certainly made them struggle this year. I'm hoping she decides a rainy season is in order for next summer- as the berries could sure use some extra help getting back on track.

Full Stomach of Berries

It's already time to begin picking salmonberries! The summer seems to have lasted so long, and yet it's going by so so fast. So out we trekked into the tundra to fill our baskets and make our jam. This year my stomach has been getting more berries than my basket. I've yearned for the sweet juicy taste of salmonberries all winter and I'm finding it hard to contain myself in their presence. I try to pick one, eat one- but I often end up eating five and picking one. I walk away with a full stomach and an almost-empty basket. Thank goodness not all of them have ripened yet- so I still have time to pick. If not I'd be merry for a day, but doomed for my winter's supply.

Accumulating Furs

I went out and picked out some furs today from our local seller, to reserve for my winter endeavors. My plan? Well I hope to begin commercial sewing fur hats, mittens, and baby booties to sell. I secretly wish to make enough to buy a home with a yard large enough to open my own dog kennel. High hopes, but a girl's gotta dream. Anyhow, I bought furs. But what furs, you ask. Four small black beaver. A large natural brown beaver. Two black rabbit furs. Four gray rabbit furs. One purple-ish gray rabbit fur. One white-ish gray rabbit fur. Five white rabbit furs. Three tan and white rabbit furs. One calico rabbit fur. One tan and black rabbit fur. I also grabbed two dyed and sheered beaver furs- one is pink and the other is blue. Something silly and fun. And now, I await my sewing machine's arrival- so I can create! Mwah, ha, ha, ha, haaa. Is the excitement of this new endeavor getting to me? I think it is...

Sewing Machine

I purchased a sewing machine! Our slow mail will make me wait for it though, as it is being shipped from the lower 48 and will take a good three to four weeks to arrive. I'm dearly excited though! I've hand sewn quite a bit, but have yet to deeply delve into machine sewing. A part of me is filled with nerves- because I'm not quite sure how to thread the darn things, but I'm hoping I'll quickly learn and be able to lock myself inside for a few hours and create many a' fashionable creations!

Too Rough To Fish

It was too rough to fish today. We had an opening and there were certainly many salmon in the river. But the west winds were strong and the waves were high and our boat was just simply too small to fish. So we had to turn around and go home. It was kind of devastating walking away from a day when we could have earned money. Our inability to continue on was a sad one indeed. But, I suppose our lives are never worth a few extra coins. So for the time being I'll simply sit inside and await the next opening.

So Many Pets

Muddy paw prints are always tracing my carpeted floors. Half eaten pork bones are buried all over my yard- a feat my dogs are so dearly proud of. My couch is frayed from feline claws. And beneath the couch lies an array of materials hoarded by collecting ferrets- things like toilet paper rolls, skeins of yarn, fur sewing scraps, and occasionally a pig ear or two. Most of my home is dedicated to furry creatures. At night time by bed is filled with cats. In the morning my house awakens with the happy frolicking and digging of the ferrets. And my yard is a play area for eager and hyper and very muddy dogs. People often shutter at the site of it. "How can you live with so many animals?" they ask. And all I can think is, "How can I not?". Not everyone will understand, but the few who do will simply know. How can one not, live without so many furry children? 

Fate's Mean Sometimes

You know what's odd about me? Odder than most people? When I like someone... intimately- I do so in a way with so much belief that it's fate. I don't simply 'like' someone, but I actually believe that fate has put them in my life for a reason. And eventually I'll often come to terms with the fact that perhaps fate's only real reason for putting them in my life was for me to admire them from afar. That happens often. My lust interests rarely lust me back. They certainly humble me down, though. Could fate possibly put people in my heart, just to have my heart hurt over them? That seems awfully cruel. But at the same time it seems awfully common...

Cloudy Sleepiness

I have been so utterly exhausted lately. I know I often complain about the weather. The sun is too bright. The clouds too dim. The rain too dreary. The winds too strong. The snow too never-ending. But, I'm not necessarily complaining this time. I actually don't mind the clouds. But I do admit they are making me tired. The comfort of my bed is so hard to leave when the sun isn't forcing me to wake up.

Miracles For Strangers

I'm not quite sure why I had such a good gut feeling yesterday, but nothing swell has happened today. I do hope that at least something nice happened to someone out there. Perhaps I had a good gut feeling on a stranger's behalf. I had the knowledge that someone out there would experience something lovely today! That person may not have been me... but hopefully a miracle happened on the behalf of my good feeling nonetheless. Wherever in the world the miracle occurred, I hope it was absolutely lovely.

Good Gut Feeling

I feel like something magnificent will happen tomorrow! I've had this gut feeling building for quite some time that something lovely will happen- and I think tomorrow is the day. I have no idea what good thing will happen. But something good will certainly occur. I just know it.

Palm Reading

So I've read many palms in my life, but never really looked at my own. I always kept saying, "I'll have someone else do it." But tonight I had nothing better to do and spent an hour analyzing. Needless to say, I should have waited for a different opinion. My life line indicates not only depression and mental turbulence, but a possibility of suicide. My success line shows a lot of good fortune for ...those around me, but no personal gain for myself. My money line literally does not exist, so not only will I never become wealthy, I am pretty much doomed to eternally be in poverty while those around me climb to riches. My love line is small and barely existent which means I will find virtually no happiness in terms of romance. Not only that but it's broken into a million pieces, depicting confusion and angst amidst a lot of heartache. I seriously cannot find one positive line on my hand. I feel like I'm reading Edgar Allen Poe's hand. Maybe my palm is his reincarnated hand. Nevertheless, if it's right- I'm doomed.

Hold Onto The Dream

Do you ever awake from a dream so wonderful, that you close your eyes and try to hold onto it for a bit longer? The vision was so perfect, the hypothetical scenario so surreal, that you don't want to leave? You just want to stay in your subconscious eternally and continue to play out this odd but beautiful storyline that your mind bestowed upon you?

Free, Truly Free

I wonder what it would be like to be free from money. I hate the concept of money. I hate how it rules us. I wish we could go back to trading goods and services. Where everyone has to provide something to the world in order to get things in return.

I wonder what it would be like to be free of prejudices. I hate a world so caught up the hate of others that the love of others is often overshadowed.

I never find myself wondering what it would be like to be truly 'free' though. I think that kind of freedom can only come in death. A freedom from all burdens and emotions. It must be magnificent, but right now- my mind is focused on being alive and I really can't even begin to grasp the concept of the freedom that comes with dying.

IN Love

Someone recently asked me: Can 'falling in love' exist? Love exists- we all know that. We love friends and we love family and we love people around us. But falling IN love is an entirely different experience. And I think there are many stages of being in love. A child can be in love with their best friend. A teenage couple can be in love. A twenty-something year old couple can be in love. An eight-year-old married-for-sixty-years couple can be in love. But these are all different stages of love. Different elements and experiences effect these different ways of being in love. There are a million and one ways to fall in and out of love. And I think being in love exists differently for different people. For some people it doesn't exist at all. It's entirely a matter of personal belief and development that determines whether being 'in love' exists for each individual person.

Thunderstorms Coming

The warm weather brought thunderstorms from the east. They typically stay in the hills away from our village- but this time they ventured into the flats. There were two strikes of lightening not far from my home. Thunder within a few seconds afterwards. I went out to comfort the pups. The storm came in so quickly, I didn't have enough time to find all of the cats and ferrets- and separate them so I could bring the dogs inside. But I couldn't leave them in the storm by themselves, so I sat outside with them. We huddled through on the side of the hill, and watched the clouds and rain pass by within ten or so minutes. It was the first thunder the dogs have heard, so it terrified them. Luckily, it passed quickly- and we've all settled in for the rest of the night.

Reading Motivation

I've been yearning for a moment to sit down and read for a while. I still have a few books I'd like to finish by summer's end. And although I'm lazy and I've spent a majority of my time writing snail mail and making crafts- I have yet to have the motivation to read. I go through phases. At certain times reading is all I ever want to do. At other times, reading is placed at a lower number on my to-do list. And currently I want to read, but I don't want to read. So it's quite a dilemma. And I'm awaiting an opportune moment that will provide book-delving motivation.

A Very Hot Summer

The weather has been so so hot this year! Western Alaska is not accustomed to such ridiculous heat spikes, and everyone is hiding away. Even the mosquitos are lulling in the weeds this year. Enjoying the shade and rarely coming out to greet any being that stands in the sunshine. The trees leaves although bright green, are dry. The grass mimics the same trait as the leaves. I have yet to see a moose or even a rabbit. And the swallows are only feeding in the late night-time hours when the sun reaches it's short setting period. Our 24 hours of sunlight, although beautiful and refreshing, can also produce quite a bit of heat. And this summer, that heat is so so evident.

A Green Garden

My garden is growing. This has been the first year in four years that has been hot enough and sunny enough for our plants to grow. A row of radishes are growing quickly and happily. A patch of loose-leaf lettuce is sprouting quickly. Onions are growing rapidly where they were planted. Potatoes are doing well. Only three green beans have burst through the surface. And just a single pea plant is making it's way towards the sun. No carrots have yet to show any growth. But, for half-way into the growing season I am pleasantly surprised. Very rarely do I have such a high yield. I am beyond excited, even though not everything is showing great results.

Being The Better Person

I'm good at raising white flags. I can't fight battles against people who love starting wars. Because that's not who I am. I'm not a fighter. I wish I was. I wish I could find the courage to tell people to be kind. But the only times I find myself able to stand up to harsh words- are when the words are directed at someone else. I'm magnificent at standing up for others. But when it's my own heart that's been broken, I rarely have the power to defend myself. It leaves me dwelling on ways to get revenge, only to realize my heart is too kind and my life too busy for me to go through with any evil plan. So I am left soured and defenseless. Eventually I have to forgive, and typically I'll often forget. And although I find this habit terribly inconvenient in times of heated words- I find it a blessing that I tend to come away from these instances looking as the better person.

Healthy Enough To Clean

To my sincere relief. My stomach seems to have settled it's own pain and I am now feeling much better. A few days of rest has left my cabin in a messy array though. So I think I'll be spending the next few days catching up on dirty dishes, unfolded laundry, and paw-print covered floors.

Unrelenting Pain

My body has been aching for three days now. The pain in my stomach is unbearable. I do not know what is wrong. I've been crippled on the couch, warming up heat pads to place on my lower back and stomach area. I feel a fever rising from all of the heat I'm administering to myself. I don't believe in medicines, but I forced myself to try an Advil today. It only made me nauseous and brought no relief from the pain. My back is drenched in sweat from the hurt. I hate feeling like this. I've lived on toast for the last three days. My darling animals have received no attention except for regular feedings that I force myself to get up for. I dearly hope the pain goes away soon. I can't afford medical treatment. And my herbs and home remedies are doing me no good.